Needs More Corn-Related Puns, If You Know What I Mean, And I Think You Do

You know how sometimes the Onion will post something, and it's not as funny as it could be because it hits a little too close to home, but you pass it on anyway because it's still pretty funny?

Yeah. [Mildly NSFW] I actually came to it via a link from the Chicago page of the Huffington Post, which had this cheery news.